Come on then, if you think you're hard enough !"In this situation we must show our enemies that we are resolute, and we cannot show that we are resolute without showing that we are strong, and we cannot show that we are strong without blowing people up..."Apapted from Whoops Apocalypse.
Territorial demandsTo initiate phase two of our five year plan we need only claim to the mass media of the world (a fickle medium at best) that after the BSE crises much of Britain's arable and farming land is unsuitable for production of food for our population. We ask only for a small patch of land, initially the area around Calais as it is already populated by many English beer and tobacco wholesalers and we used to own it anyway. Due to the reasonable nature of our demands and the even more reasonable size of the army occupying Dover at the time we fully expect our demands to be met, soon will follow more demands, the Sudetenland, Alsace Lorraine and central Washington again we are confidant that these will be met.Once these advances have been gained we will be ready to mass our troops on the polish boarders (by leasing a small portion of Germany for the task). At this point we believe that some international leaders will see what we really want and will most likely visit us for a conference, returning to their nations satisfied that we have no further ambitions and promising peace in our time. It is now that we strike. Marching our troops into Poland directly to Warsaw we should be able to subdue the country with very few problems or resistance from its residents. At the same time as we invade Poland we must also march into France so they will be vanquished and no longer a threat to our occupation of Poland. We intend to attack France by passing through Belgium, a tried and tested method. It is at this point that we expect to meet with general international disapproval and can expect to suffer a naval blockade and in these uncompromising times maybe even some sanctions from the UN. It is now that our plan may diverge into phases three A or B. Phase three AShould we look to be strong, both at war and on the domestic front we will be ready to strike into the heart of the Americas, through secret alliances with Mexico and Canada (which we will later break) we will attack the United States and launch an offensive on the area formally known as Mesopotamia, a name that we will restore when we win, this is to reclaim the humorous writings of Nasradeem Hodja, one of the worlds funniest men (?). By removing the US from the scene we will be ready to attack Russia that will surely be in a greater mass than she is now, soon will follow the former Russian republics and the nations surrounding Turkey. Our Armies will also move through Europe (to be renamed London Annexe) and onto Arabia.Next We will march onto Africa and Southern America, reducing them to being an arm of our mighty empire (they will also be renamed, suggestions on a postcard please). Following this, a final push into Asia is all that remains. We will move into Canada then across to western Russia and then down the Pacific Rim to Japan (which will be renamed 'the greater eastern co-prosperity sphere'), our Arabian armies will then move via Pakistan and India to China to meet with these forces in Indonesia. From Indonesia we need only move through Australasia and the Pacific Islands which had been overlooked in earlier moments. Phase Three BShould Phase two go badly for any reason we will simply fight on for as long as possible, inflicting massive damage to the Americas and Russia while aiming to surpass our supply chains so that we can be convincingly conquered so that England must be rebuilt by the victors to leave us with an excellent economy and world class beer. Before our final defeat the leaders of the party should take a holiday in Argentina so that we can escape international justice and live like kings on the spoils of our initial conquests.Either way the prevalence of America on the world scene will be reduced if not diminished and we will be free to do what we wish at the end of it. The Official windows backdrop of the Invade Poland Party 90k jpg, you know it makes sense Phase One - The Route to Power
Please remember that this was written as a political and historical satire and does not really represent my true opinions. I only want to invade Poland, its not that much to ask. |